A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
