shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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