Dual....:-)
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Me too!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
