Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She is in my trunk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
