just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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