Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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