just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
