my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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