then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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