Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
