i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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