I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize