Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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