I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
