He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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