he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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