By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
