glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
