I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
