there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
