he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
