eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize