life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
