i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
