I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
