I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
