I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
