i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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