3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
