He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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