he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
