Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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