I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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