What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
