drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
