we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
