loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
