Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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