apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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