Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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