I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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