Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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