there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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