omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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