6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
