Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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