You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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