Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
