Already got asked if we're dating
home. puking in laundry basket.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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