just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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