I should be sponsored by Trojan
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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