She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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