Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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