I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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