hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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