absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
