Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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