I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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