I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize