I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
