Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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