The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
