I accidentally had phone sex last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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