I'm really into asian looking animals
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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