sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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