my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
