I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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